My week of Turkey hunting

[Bill from NJ]

I will try to give the Readers Digest Version of the week .

 

Day 1 Monday: Sitting in my pre scouted spot before 5:00AM. Daybreak and the roosters in the area started calling.

I hear 4 Tom's responding to every rooster call. I heard 3 shots all to my right across the trail. What I actually seen all day was: 1 small lizard/skink, one tan color coyote, 2 whitetail deer.

Oh, and an old man driving down the trail, stops his car. Honks his horn to get my attention. Gives me a thumbs up. AND shouts towards me, If I seen anything or had any luck yet!

I seen the 4 trucks leave the area of the gun shots. Obviously the old guy above was one of the last to leave. so I decided to investigate and check out the area they were at.

All I found were piles of corn. loads of deer and turkey tracks in the soil.

But No feathers! 3 shots, 6:00AM, 7:10Am, and 10:30AM. I searched looking, but looks to me like no turkeys were even hit.

 

Day 2, Tuesday: Got settled in before 5:00AM. To the area I heard all of the commotion on Monday.

Made a few simple come hither calls. was not until 10:00AM I got frustrated and tried the "pissing off the hens" call, going crazy on the box call.

I put the box call down and looked around.

Out pops one jake with bright red head coming towards me. Then out comes another horny young jake looking for some quick double team action.

I marked off my field of fire, where anything within that marked area is meat in the pot.

60, 50, 40 yards they are coming in slower now.... a little closer....

I raised my shotgun debating if I want a young jake with short 2 inch beards, or hold off for something better. 

Both the jakes then stoped dead in their tracks, both looked to their right, lifted their heads to look at....

A want-a- be cowboy, slumped in the saddle, looked like he was cooking Meth in his trailer all week without any sleep.

Of course the two jakes played Houdini and vanished into the woods. I am staring at this old burn out guy, debating to fire off a round to get the horse to buck.

But, the horse slowly clip clopped down the trail, the horse looked as it was past its prime for the glue factory.

A few minutes later I see an old battle harden Tom crossing the plowed field dragging his tail feathers as though he was too pooped to party ant more.

This old Tom had a bare chest, very long beard dragging in the dirt, and looked all tuckered out.

The old tom was out of range, about 70 yards, closing in.

I let loose a few "want to get laid" calls.

The old Tom looked up at me within 55 yards. Gave me the "my viagra hasn't kicked in look", picked at some corn in the leftover piles, and decided to wander off in the opposite direction away from me.

I played the "run & gun" and beat feet across the field looking to cut off the old Tom as he comes wandering around the corner. I lay down across some downed logs, cock the hammer back and anxiously await his demise.

I was sitting and wondering where this old Tom went since he did not follow the curve of the road.

What do I see him doing?  The lazy SOB was next to my truck, I could not take a shot unless I hit my truck. I tried to anticipate his next move by trying to set up again for the ambush.

To my surprise the old Tom walked behind my truck and played a Houdini... Puff he is gone!

 

Day 3 Wednesday: Settled in before 5:00AM. I liked the area so I continued to stay put.

Settled in a nice spot, back against a cut stump. Just before sun up I hear a couple Tom's looking for love and they are very close.

I gently and lowly yelped, purred, and clucked. 

Sounded like freight trains bursting through the bush. The Tom came down on me faster than Hillary on Huma in a cheap hotel room.

The Tom snuck up on me from behind, bumped into me and vanished. I was busted. Sneaky SOB.

Everything happened so fast, my mind was two steps behind processing what just happened.

For the rest of the day, I seen a few box turtles walking in circles in the open field, dragon flies chasing little bugs in a clouded mass.

I was all settled in calling, and calling....  All of the Toms continue to respond to the damn roosters calls.

Now comes 10:00AM. Last time a cowboy and glue factory specimen of a horse wandered by.

Today, today was something very special for my hunting Jersey style. 

Mind you, I am all nested into a pile of logs and pine branches, awaiting my ambush of an old Tom.

But, no such luck.

A car pulls up right in front of me in the middle of the field. Approximately 13 feet from me. The old man squints at me doing a double take and casually says to me."I seen your truck and I thought you were hunting on the other side of the road".

Just as he finished the sentence. Another SUV pulls up.... between the first car and me. I literally had to move my feet or have them run over.

The two me continue to talk with one another as I lay there blending like a bush.

The two old me were both deaf and were talking very loudly at each other.

Old guy in car #2 asking old guy in car #1 "what is wrong" and why is he "making strange faces. What are you trying to tell me?"

Old gut in Car #2 turns and looks at me sitting 3 feet from him waving hello.

As I stood up I believe old guy #2 needed a diaper change in that moment.

The two drove off.

I moved to another area.

Nothing, nada, everything quiet I left for home early.

 

Day 4, Thursday: Arrived bright and early once again.

I pulled in at 4:54AM collecting my crap for the day.

I hear a car approach at a rapid pace from down the road. A hard left into the field, driving in circles with the high beams on. Lighting up every tree top surrounding the field.

You guessed it. It was guy #2 from Wednesday 10:00AM

He was setting up from 5:00AM until sun up.

I set up across the field from him, as not to be hit from friendly fire.

All I heard all morning was this old guy inside his hunting Blind talking to another deaf guy on the phone.

He eventually left the area at 10:00AM. Probably loo0king for someone else to bother for a change.

Old guy #2 leaves everything sitting in the field, and drove off.

Come 11:00AM.... yes it gets better.

The State decides to plow the field, cut grass, and apply lime.

Yes, I wrapped my head in duct tape and drove home.

 

Today: Got there early again.

Around sun up a hen walks out of a brush pile next to me while I was taking a whizz on her happy home.

The startled hen's legs shot out sideways, began cussing me out by clucking at me trying to figure out WTF I am. Reminded me of when a deer stomps his foot and snorts at you to get you to move.

She walked off and left me standing there with my D*ck in my hand.

Today summed up a great week of " Welcome to Hunting Adventures in Jersey".

Sometimes I ask myself, why don't I just stick to fishing. Oh, never mind.... that is another adventure.

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Bill from NJ

[LPJR]

This literally is one of the funniest, saddest, unrealistic, turkey anecdotes I have heard on W&W. All this combined with some very pointed analogies of specific people, like the cowboy, is way too funny.

Can't make this stuff up! 

Hoping your future turkey hunts all turn around for you. 

[Bill from NJ]

This is my first Turkey hunt.

In my neighborhood, we have frigging turkeys running down the middle of the street, blocking traffic, and pecking at car hub caps as we drive by.

Gangs of wild turkeys roaming the street chasing cars and young children.

Damn things wander up the driveway, walk around our yards, and down the sidewalks like they rule the roost.

Understand I do not even live close to any woods or large properties.

Rows of homes. My furthest neighbor lives 13 feet from either side.

So,  I drive 30 miles, 45 minutes to get to the woods.... Crickets.

I am better off just running one of the bastards down with the car on the way home come Monday after work.

But, checking it in and returning to my wife with tire marks down the back... I think they may figure it out death by auto just don't look the same as a shotgun.

 

I swear every word of the above post is true and did happen as explained.  Truth is stranger than fiction.

 

Look up "Murphy's Law".... I am their poster child.

 

 

 

Edited April 27, 2019 by Bill from NJ

[rackemup]

Holy Crap!! That was some week!!

I hope you have more permits to hunt the rest of the weeks and hopefully the Old Guys dont break your balls..

[SPEARFISH]

I wanna party with you dude.

Not hunt though.  

[Bill from NJ]

23 minutes ago, rackemup said:

Holy Crap!! That was some week!!

I hope you have more permits to hunt the rest of the weeks and hopefully the Old Guys dont break your balls..

 

I have next week for the same place.

I took a mixture of sick time and vacation to cover this past week.

The older gentlemen did not purposely cause problems, it is just what it is.

Apparently the old men have permission to hunt from their car and in this exact place where they came close to driving over my legs.

I found out later by the State workers plowing the fields the old guys use that exact same spot where I was "Blending in" to set up their blind hunt from.

Maybe I will try next Thursday and Friday.

 

 

[Bonefreak]

Jeez. Hysterical!

Sounds like u were huntin in my spot w all the yahoos.....til u said there were fields...my spot has no fields!

But it's pretty much a dirt toll road with guys calling birds from their trucks....its a miracle I killed a bird there Wednesday mornin!

Good luck next wk....give one of those birds some ol Tom foolery!

[Buck154]

Its always a love hate with turkeys. Thats hunting.  Good luck

[B B]

I'm not sure if I should laugh or cry....   okay I'm laughing, hysterically, but not at you, with you.  Carry on.

[mazzgolf]

I had to read that post twice - there was so much there, I wanted to make sure I didn't miss any of the hilarious details!!!  

Clearly, that is a nominee for "best post of 2019"!!

 

 

[Rusty]

Too funny.  

[Live to Hunt]

6 minutes ago, Rusty said:

Too funny.  

[LPJR]

11 minutes ago, Rusty said:

Too funny.