Here's one of my favorites
Years ago we went to a friend’s house on a Sunday for some dumb super bowl football party. The only reason I went is that he has a full size pool table so that is where I stayed. I still cannot tell you who the teams were (something I wear as a badge of honor.) Anyway we left at halftime due to snow. When my wife Rina and I got home that night about 8pm I notice that some things in the downstairs den were knocked off shelves, etc. A few minutes later, I also observed an apple in the fruit bowl that had been gnawed on.
I immediately threw the apple in the laundry room trash can so Rina would not think a rat may have invaded; that would have cost me a $200.00 hotel room! I looked around for signs of an animal but found none. Victor, my Jack Russell terrier wasn't talking but he had no wounds or blood on him. We have had birds in the house from time to time but the apple did not look like a European Starling dined on it.
Monday morning we had breakfast and I heard some noise in the den. I went downstairs and, lo and behold, a fat squirrel (probably the bastard who has been hitting the birdfeeder) was jumping from wall mounted antler to shelf to picture.
Now Victor as soon as he saw him the house became like a James Thurber story. Shouting, barking, objects and dogs flying, etc., etc. I finally cornered the rodent in the laundry room but he took refuge behind and inside the rear of the fridge.
I left the door open to the outside and gave the little fella a chance to escape. I then went out and fired up the snowblower to clear the driveway and get the cars out so Rina could get to work. After that I called the PD who gave me the number of the Humane Society that takes care of animal problems for Fairfield, NJ
I called the Society and was told that they could come out but it would cost me $ 80.00 per hour with no guarantee. After my seizure, I asked if they were kidding me. I then told them that the cost of a 22 round was about 7 cents. They hung up on me.
Now I was desperate! The squirrel appeared to like it under the fridge and, even with the door wide open, had no intention of rejoining his friends in the trees.
He would occasionally come out from under the fridge, sit up on top of it and mock me. The minute I would walk into the laundry room it would dive behind and under the fridge.
I took the gnawed apple out of the trash and placed it upon the top of the fridge. I then got out my Browning Buck Mark, 22 auto pistol and loaded it with a 22 CB round (low velocity and makes a noise like an air rifle).
Still, when I walked into the room, no matter how quietly, he would dive For cover. I then cracked the door open ever so slightly and darkened the hallway and bathroom. I positioned myself on the toilet in the adjacent bathroom with not much more than the apple in my field of view and waited. Finally my Marine Corps training was coming in handy.
About 15 minutes later I could hear the little fella starting to climb up the rear of the fridge as the wire lattice gave off a ringing sound. As my heart was pounding, I slowly removed the safety........5 minutes later he appeared and started eating the apple. I slowly raised my arm and put the sights on his little body and tried to get a shot right behind the front leg (heart and lung shot.) I exhaled and slowly squeezed the trigger and there was a distinctive 'POP'....the squirrel immediately disappeared out of the sights. I saw his little body twitching on top of the fridge as I entered the laundry room. He was still alive and, although mortally wounded, the bastard got himself down off the fridge and tried to crawl under it into his refuge. I could still see his tail but did not want to grab it as he may have enough strength to bite.
I set Victor on him and he promptly found the tail and slowly pulled him out about an inch at a time, getting a better bite each time, until he had a good hold on the torso. After shaking him like a dishrag, he brought him to me as a good retriever would (although I detected a few crunching noises.)
Now I gave the little bastard every chance to leave out of the open door but Noooooo he wanted to move in. NOT!