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Divorce sucks... I need to get out and do stuff...


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I haven't been on here much at all lately-my wife of 12 years (together 16) told me she wanted a divorce back in January.  I was devastated at first but after a while I came around-this has been years in the making but neither of us wanted to face it until now.  I'm going to be 40 this year and for a while I saw it as a new beginning and was kind of optimistic.  She doesn't want/need the house, doesn't want/need my money and by the fall she'll be moved out.  We have three kids and I get them to school/she picks them up, etc...so we don't have a choice but to work together for a long time (our youngest is 2), but its not easy.  Now I'm pretty much back in the $hitter again...just bitter because it didn't work-feel like a failure, etc...  I hate hanging out with our married friends because it just pisses me off to see other people happy at this point, plus its awkward for them because we have a lot of mutual friends.  I know that I have a lot of crap to work out before I date anyone but the loneliness is killing me lately.  I didn't even buy any turkey permits this year.  The idea of sitting in the woods alone, even its something I love to do, just doesn't appeal to me right now.  I'm trying to find a new job just because I need a change of scenery and to meet new people.  Other than living at the gym when I'm not asleep/at work/taking care of my kids I don't really go anywhere.  No point in trying to go to a bar and just hang out with all of the COVID restrictions.  Tried to go to Cryan's with a friend the other day and there was a ridiculous wait to get a seat and there's dividers everywhere, etc...  Not looking for pity, just for some ideas on how to be around other humans and/or for advice from people who are further along than I am right now.   

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Posted (edited)

Sorry to hear that you're going through this rough patch.  Just continue to do what makes you happy and improve yourself every day.  Negative thought patterns are a trap, so don't dwell on them. 

Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, meet new people, etc.  Take up meditation,  it will settle your mind and body.  Don't judge the situation, yourself, your EX, your friends or anything else.  Things simply are what they are.  

Basically, improve yourself physically, mentally and financially and be the best you.  The happiness and everything else will come with the improvements

Edited by not on the rug
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^^^^ What that guy said.  A quote I heard on Joe Rogan yesterday sums it up.  I may be screwing it up a little but you get the jist..

Bitterness, jealousy, etc, are all like a virus that attack the host and nothing else.  Get rid of that stuff and move to positive things like the 'not on the rug' said.   Enjoy your kids, your hobbies, learn something new, make yourself better.   All that other crap serves no purpose but dragging you down further.

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Sorry to hear your going through this. My parents got divorced when I was 21. It was a long time coming and I was devastated when they told me and my brother. There were years of bitterness and resentment on everyone’s part. 32 years later it was the best thing for all of us. You have your children, your health, your job and friends. As difficult as it may be right now you’ll look back and say thank God it happened when it did. Things always work out just have to be patient and not dwell on the negatives. 
The weather is getting very nice to get out of the house do things with your children, friends and most of all yourself. Life is short don’t let anything drag you down. Avoid doing things right now that stir up the past.

Good luck. I don’t know you or really anyone on this site personally but there is always someone to chat about something on here.

Ralph
 

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Sorry to hear, can not be easy, completely normal to feel down or less sharp mentally... My advice is don't let it consume you, I suggest running to anyone feeling the emotions you listed. Run far, and keep that heart rate up. You will have a clear mind after the first run. 

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Sorry to hear that you are having a hard time.  Your body and mind have been in the same routine for 16 years.  It's why you're having a hard time.  It'll get easier over time.  Don't rush it.  When you're with your kids you give them 100% of you. Enjoy that time.  When they are not with you do something you haven't done.  I'm sure over the last decade theirs something you wanted to do/learn/accomplish.  Do that.  Fishing, hunting, cooking, project around the house. Read a book.  

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Divorce is very common. It's worse when Kids are involved. Don't dwell on the past or look for some magic answers. Move forward. Learn from your mistakes if there was any. Take your time and choose a more compatible one next time. Don't be like my Brother. Jumped from one marriage to another. Was married 4 times. Pitiful. 

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Shake it off Buddy. Better to find out now.....while your still young. Plenty of life left. Also, don't put your kids in the middle of any disagreement between yourselves and they'll be much better off. Do yourself a favor, get everything in writing, get a good lawyer, and move on. I've been there and I love where I'm at now.

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Wow, I too am very sorry that you are going through this.  I have so much to say, just can't get it into words.  PM me if you need to talk, I'm all ears. I couldn't imagine what you are going through. I'll be praying for your peace.

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sorry to hear that. do you like fishing? maybe go hop on a party boat for a day. something to do and get your mind off things. your at the bottom and can only go up from here. many get a divorce. pretty common these days so your not alone.  a guy i work with got a divorce and also had kids. him and his ex get along better now and arr friends. 

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been there 20 years ago , not fun , but you will survive , there are groups out there with people in the same boat , sometimes it helps to talk.  things i learned , always put the kids first , dont talk bad about your ex to them , and dont rush into another relationship , give yourself time to air your head out

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1 hour ago, not on the rug said:

Sorry to hear that you're going through this rough patch.  Just continue to do what makes you happy and improve yourself every day.  Negative thought patterns are a trap, so don't dwell on them. 

Learn a new skill, take up a new hobby, meet new people, etc.  Take up medication,  it will settle your mind and body.  Don't judge the situation, yourself, your EX, your friends or anything else.  Things simply are what they are.  

Basically, improve yourself physically, mentally and financially and be the best you.  The happiness and everything else will come with the improvements

Seriously, Rug, you want to pharma the guy out?  :rofl: :stirring:

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Sorry brother. That sucks. Especially when kids are involved. Like said before, get all this stuff in writing. Women change their mind quick when things don’t go their way. Sounds like you’re just going through the emotions. Things don’t always make sense until you have some time to look back with perspective. It’s a big change, but it sounds like you got out pretty clean overall and you’re making sure the kids are taken care of. Focus on bettering yourself. Gym, stay busy, bank some money, learn something new. You’re still in your prime and have a lot to offer to someone who will appreciate it. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. The world is your oyster! 

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