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The Contest joke


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The Contest

Pinocchio, Snow White, and Superman are out for a stroll in town one day .

As they walk, they come across a sign:

"Beauty contest for the most beautiful woman in the world.

"I'm entering" said Snow White.

After half an hour she comes out and they ask her; "Well, how'd ya do?"

" First Place," said Snow White.

They continue walking and they see a sign: "Contest for the 

strongest man in the world."

"I'm entering," says Superman.

After half an hour he returns and they ask him, "How did you make out?"

" First Place," answers Superman. "Did you ever doubt?"

They continue walking when they see a sign: "Contest! Who is the 

greatest liar in the world?"

Pinocchio says "this is mine."

Half an hour later, he returns with tears in his eyes.

"What happened?" they asked.

"Who the hell is Hillary Clinton?" asked Pinocchio



Have you ever wondered?


> Why do supermarkets make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store

> to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the

> front?

Why do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet

> coke?  Why do banks leave vault doors open and then chain the pens to the

> counters? Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in our driveways

> and put our useless junk in the garage? EVER WONDER... Why the sun lightens

> our hair, but darkens our skin?Why can't women put on mascara with their

> mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins

> Lottery'? Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?  Why is it that doctors

> and attorneys call what they do 'practice'?  Why is lemon juice made with

> artificial flavoring, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?Why is

> the man who invests all your money called a broker?  Why is the time of

> day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there

> mouse-flavored cat food? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do

> they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

>  You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes?  Why

> don't  they make the whole plane out of that stuff??

>  Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?  Why are they called apartments

> when they are all stuck together?    If flying is so safe,  why do they

> call the airport the terminal?

> Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread the

> stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to (maybe

> even a chuckle)... in other words, send it to everyone.  We all need to

> smile every once in a while.  OH you didn't smile - well how about this

> one: Have a happy day.



do not mail donations


> A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.  Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"

> "Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, collecting donations."

> "How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.

> The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."

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