I love these 9Jokes)

[jerseyhunter]

Student Pilot: 'I'm lost; I'm over a big lake and heading toward the big "E".

 

Controller: 'Make several 90 degree turns so I can identify you on radar.' (short pause)... Controller: 'Okay then. That big lake is the Atlantic Ocean . Suggest you turn to the big "W" immediately ..'

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Tower: 'American...and for your information, you were slightly to the left of the centerline on that approach.'

 

American: 'That's correct; and, my First Officer was slightly to the right'

Controller: 'FAR1234 confirm your type of aircraft. Are you an Airbus 330 or 340?'

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Pilot: 'A340 of course!'

 

Controller: 'Then would you mind switching on the two other engines and give me 1000 feet per minute, please?'

 

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O'Hare Approach: USA212, cleared ILS runway 32L approach, maintain 250 knots.

 

USA212: Roger approach, how long do you need me to maintain that speed?

 

O'Hare Approach: All the way to the gate if you can.

 

USA212: Ah, OK, but you better warn ground control.

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the end