few more jokes

[buckhound]

less me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl.' The priest asks, 'Is that you, little Dominic Savino?' 'Yes, Father, it is.' 'And who was the girl you were with?' 'I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.' "Well, Dominic, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later soyou may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?' 'I cannot say.' 'Was it Teresa Mazzarelli?' 'I'll never tell. ' 'Was it Nina Capelli?' 'I'm sorry, but I cannot name her.' 'Was it Cathy Piriano?' 'My lips are sealed.' 'Was it Rosa DiAngelo, then?' 'Please, Father, I cannot tell you.' The priest sighs in frustration.  'You're very tight lipped, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone.  You cannot be an altar boy for4 months.  Now you go and behave yourself.' Joey walks back to his pew, and his friend Franco slides over and whispers,'What'd you get?''Four months vacation and five good leads.'

 

 

 

Melbourne International  Airport

 

                                                     

 

 

Victorians can be so  polite!   

 

Melbourne  Tower : "Saudi Air 511  -- You are cleared to land on runway 9R."

Saudi  Air : "Thank you Melbourne.  Acknowledge cleared to land on infidel's runway 9R. Allah be Praised."

 

Melbourne  Tower : " Iran Air 711  - You are cleared to land on runway 27L."

 

Iran  Air : "Thank you Melbourne. We are cleared to land on infidel's runway 27L -  Allah is Great."

 

 

Pause....

Saudi  Air :  " MELBOURNE TOWER - MELBOURNE TOWER !" 

Melbourne  Tower : "Go ahead  Saudi Air 511..."

Saudi  Air : "YOU HAVE  CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT FOR THE SAME RUNWAY  GOING IN OPPOSITE DIRECTIONS.  WE ARE ON A COLLISION  COURSE . .... .. .. ... INSTRUCTIONS,  PLEASE!"

Melbourne  Tower : "Proceed to your destination and tell Allah we said "Hi"

 

 

 

 

 

Lawyers should never ask a Georgia grandma a question if they aren't

> prepared for the answer.

> 

> In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called ..his first

> witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the stand.

> 

> 

> He approached her and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?'

> 

> 

> She responded, 'Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since

> you were a boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You

> lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them

> behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains

> to realize you'll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher.

> 

>  

> 

> Yes, I know you.'

> 

>  

> 

> 

> The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the

> room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?'

> 

> 

> She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a

> youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't

> build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the

> worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three

> different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him.'

> 

> 

> The defense attorney nearly died.

> 

> 

> The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet

> voice, said, 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I'll send

> you both to the electric chair.'

>

 

[Dave B.]

Nice! Thanks for the laughs Buckhound!

[Chefhunter]

Excellent